LETTER TO THE EPHESIANS
The Life of the Spirit
Ephesians 5:25-33
INTRODUCTION
This section continues the thought Paul began in 5:18—how to live the Spirit-filled life. As we saw earlier, living the Spirit-filled life will have a major impact upon our relationships: relationships with spouses (wives in the first section and husbands here), children, employers, and employees in the next section.
Too often we reduce our relationship to God to being nothing more than being holy or attending church or having a sentimental feeling. Jesus links our relationship with God with our relationship with others. Christ does claim that the greatest commandment is to love God; however, right after that He commands us to love our neighbor as ourselves. In case we want to parse away who our neighbor is, He informs us in the story of the good Samaritan that WE are the neighbor, that is, we are to be a neighbor to any and everybody in our vicinity who needs help—not just to family or loved ones, but to ANY and EVERYBODY who needs our help in our area of life.
Christ goes even one HUGE step further in the last sermon He delivered while on earth. Jesus has identified Himself so completely with Christians that He says the way you treat a Christian, especially the Christian poor, is the way you treat Him (Matt. 25:31-46, especially verses 40 and 45: "to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me"). For this reason John writes: "He who does not love his brother whom he has seen CANNOT LOVE God whom he has not seen" (1 John 4:20).
Now this is a tough principle to live by. THAT IS THE REASON JESUS GIVES US HIS SPIRIT AT THE TIME OF SALVATION—SO THAT WE CAN LIVE BY THIS PRINCIPLE. Like Lewis writes: "The command Be ye perfect [Matt. 5:48] is not idealistic gas. Nor is it a command to do the impossible. He is going to make us into creatures that can obey that command. He said (in the Bible) that we were 'gods' and He is going to make good His words. If we let Him—for we can prevent Him, if we choose—He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (though, of course, on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and light and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said."
THE RELATIONSHIP OF THE HUSBAND TO THE WIFE (5:25-33)
| Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. |
The Real Shock in This Section
In this passage is the real bombshell. Some of our conservative Christian brothers love to harp on verses 22-24 in this passage; however, Paul's instructions to the wives occupy only THREE, count'em, THREE VERSES, while Paul's instructions to the husbands take up NINE VERSES! In other words, contrary to custom, we should spend 3x more on discussing the husband's responsibilities in marriage than we should on the wife's responsibilities.
In the first century the command "Husband, love your wives" was a shocking innovation. Women for the most part in the first century were considered as little more than mere chattel. One Roman soldier writing to his pregnant wife told her that if she bore a son, she was to throw a major celebration in their son's honor; however, if she bore a daughter, she was to expose that daughter. Exposure was the practice of taking the infant and abandoning her on a hillside, thereby exposing her to the elements. If the baby girl was not devoured by wild beasts, she was normally picked up by pimps and trained to serve men in the brothels. In keeping with Jesus' treatment of women, Paul is elevating women to a level they had never really experienced before. In fact Paul says, "There is neither Jew nor Greek, neither slave nor freeman, neither male nor female; for you are all ONE in Christ Jesus" (Gal. 3:28).
The Standard Men are to Follow in Loving Their Wives--Christ Himself!
What standard should men live by in the way they treat their wives? The standard Christ set in the way He treats His bride, the church: "just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word." The first way Christ showed His love for the church was by giving Himself up for her, that is, by dying for her on the cross. It is the picture of a man who loves his bride to such an extent that He will do anything to save her, even at the cost of his own life.
One of my favorite pictures is Titanic. At the very end of the movie when Jack and Rose escape from the drowning ship, they swim towards a large door floating on top of the water. When they both get on top of the door, the door flips over; it's just not big enough for the both of them. Jack insists that Rose alone get on top of the door, realizing this means certain death for him. Before Jack dies, Rose laments the difficulties she has put Jack through. Jack replies: "Don't do that. Winning that ticket [thereby getting him on the ship] was the best thing that ever happened to me because it meant meeting you." For him her love was worth dying for. It's the same way that Christ feels towards us. Whenever you doubt Christ's love for you, remember the cross. It's the perfect picture of His love for us. It should also be the standard by which the husband loves his wife.
Second, Paul says that Christ's love is seen by His washing His bride (not wife but bride) with the word that He might present her to Himself glorious. What image lies behind these words? It's the image of the bridal bath. In the ancient world, all the way up to modern times, the preparation for the wedding was a major affair. Women didn't just simply jump in the shower or bath tub and get clean like they can today. The bridesmaids, far from being just honorary roles, actually helped the bride in preparing for the wedding. They would draw the bath water from the nearby well or streams, help bathe her, and then help dress her. (The expression "Sweet June Bride" refers to the practice of women taking their annual bath in May. The end of May or beginning of June would be the time of the year girls would smell the sweetest. For this reason marriages took place in June.)
In Eph. 5 the bridesmaids, though, are not the ones who are preparing the bride for the wedding. In this instance it is the Groom Himself preparing the bride. He tenderly cleanses her with His Spirit and with His word so that on the day of the wedding, that is, the Marriage Feast of the Lamb (see Rev. 19:7), she is truly a glorious bride without any spiritual spot or wrinkle. (Most women who are loved by their husbands the way Christ loves the church have no problems following the leadership of their husbands.)
Christ's Spirit and His Word are invaluable in the washing process, in our becoming pure and spotless. We cannot become pure and spotless in our own strength and power. It takes the hand of Christ Himself, it takes His water to make us this way. In The Voyage of the Dawn Treader the young boy Eustace is so greedy that he becomes as greedy as a dragon. In fact he becomes so greedy that he does become a dragon. When he wakes up and discovers this to his horror, he takes his giant dragon claws and tries to scrape the dragon scales off his body. He can't do it though. At this point the Lion Aslan (Jesus) shows up and asks Eustace if he would like for Aslan to remove the scales. Eustace frets over the proposal because he is afraid of the lion. He is stuck with the dilemma: either he reject the dragon's offer and remains a dragon who is alive or else he accepts the lion's offer with the distinct possibility of being eaten alive. HOWEVER, and this is a big however, if he allows the lion to claw him with his claws, he just might become a little boy again. He finally accepts the lion's offer--and does become a little boy again. Only Jesus can change us.
The Wife as Part of the Man's Body
From the image of the bride Paul turns now to the image of the body in order to encourage men to love their wives. The husband is to love his own wife even as he loves his own body. That men love their own bodies is a fact. Time and disappointments tend to wear men down physically; gravity shifts the body parts. When it is all said and done though, men love their bodies. They pamper them; they take care of them. According to Paul the wife spiritually is as much a part of a man as his own leg, arm, foot, head, etc. Paul's argument is this: if a man loves his body to the extent that he takes such good care of it, then he should also care for his wife since she is part of his body, since they are now one flesh.
Paul supports this principle by appealing to Gen. 2:24: "For this cause a man shall LEAVE his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become ONE FLESH." The act of sex is so powerful that it bonds the husband and wife together to such an extent that they actually become one, especially spiritually. Notice in Gen. 1:27 God says that God made man, male and female made He them. In other words, the male is only half a man, while the female is half a man. You must put the 2 halves together in order to get a complete person. That is the reason many times we marry people who are not like us. Most of the time our spouses balance us out; they complete those areas in our lives which are deficient. Instead of resenting the strengths our spouses bring to our marriages, we need to embrace them and also be grateful that we are bringing strength to areas in our spouses' lives which are deficient as well.
The Primary Reason Men are to Love Their Wives
Paul now lists the overriding reason why it is important for the Christian marriage to succeed. "This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church." In other words, in a Christian marriage the Christian husband should love his wife in such a way that the world should see in him Christ loving the church, and the Christian wife should love and submit to her husband in such a way that the world should see in her the love and submission of the church to Christ. In other words your marriage should reveal to the world the love of Christ for the church and the love and submission of the church to Christ. Christ has a lot invested in your marriage. What is at stake is one of the primary ways He witnesses to the world.
NO DIVORCE
Because marriage is so important, Christ nearly for all practical purposes makes divorce taboo. The only allowance Jesus gives for divorce is sexual unfaithfulness. Sex truly bonds a couple together. When one of the spouses has sex outside marriage, the bond is broken because another bond has been forged between that spouse and somebody else. Yet although one of the marriage partners has been unfaithful does not mean that the 2 MUST get divorced. God's grace has healed a lot of relationships in which one of the 2 was unfaithful.
I've seen women from the past who probably would have been urged to get a divorce if they were alive today. I had one great aunt whose husband was probably emotionally, or at least verbally abusive. He would slam down his fist on the dining room table and shout out: "Luce!" Poor little thing. By the time I knew her she was deaf—probably because of her husband's screaming at her. I've seen other women whose husbands ran around on them earlier on in their marriage. Yet these women did not divorce their husbands. In fact in one case the husband eventually came around to the point that they had the sweetest relationship in their later years. In both cases if you looked at the faces of these 2 women, you saw the face of Jesus.
You see, most of us have been wrongly instructed that Jesus wants us primarily to be happy. Where does this teaching come from? It doesn't come from the Bible. Rather Jesus wants us to grow up, to mature. Most of the time pain is what is needed to make us grow up. C. S. Lewis stated that most of us view the world as our nursery, full of toys, all for our benefit. When pain enters this world, it forces us to get out of the nursery mindset and grow up. It is painful; however, if we respond properly to this pain, we grow into mature Christian adults who now know joy.
When we get a divorce, we basically avoid the issue. We fail to grow in the way that God wants us to grow. Divorce though is not the only way a person can exit a marriage. There are other ways to exit a marriage: watch T.V. obsessively, play golf every Saturday with your buddies from early till late, go clubbing with your girlfriends or guy friends, hide away in a room in your house, etc. You can still be legally married and yet be out of the marriage relationship. Christ is exhorting us to remain not only married but also in the marriage relationship.
Too often marriages can become stale and dry. The reason is that after several years there is a tendency for the husband and wife to become too familiar with each other in an unhealthy way. Terms like “my ol’ lady” and “my ol’ man” replace terms of endearment used earlier in the marriage. Ephesians 5 though reminds us of the lofty nature of marriage. It may take work to avoid being too familiar and to maintain a healthy respect for your spouse; however, the lofty nature of marriage certainly expects us to treat our spouses appropriately. When we treat each other as sons and daughters of God, we have a much greater chance of having successful marriages.